Yo Jabba Jabba

Just to get it kicked off.  This is 1 single room.

Night: Woman stumbling around drunk.  Comes to the desk, starts screeching at the night girl (NG) about losing her purse.  Demands that NG check the cameras for who took it.  NG, who's pretty new, doesn't know how or if she can check the cameras and tells the woman as such.

1 hour later: Woman is back at the desk, asking if NG had checked the cameras.  There was a sound "no."

My shift starts at 7.  Immediately upon coming in, I get a noise complaint from another guest.  NG leaves, 2 more complaints roll in.

About 7:45, a very stoned Jabba the Hutt comes down and grabs breakfast.  She starts shrieking at me that she locked her key in the room, finding every possible complaint.  She's got no ID, so I bring her up to the room to unlock it.  Hotel policy dictates I see the key or ID to let people in.

I let her in and she immediately closes the door as quickly as possible.  I hear crashing and banging while she rummages around, looking for her key or ID or both.  A wall of pot stench crashes into me.

A single arm pokes out of the room and waves the ID around in my face.  I hear some stoned mumbling about losing the key and a purse.  I give up and go to the desk.

At 5 minutes to check-out, I call the room.  Jabba starts jabbering about her phone not working.  I check the log: She's a cash paying guest who put a different ID down for deposit instead of, you know, an actual deposit.  I explain: No deposit, no long distance calls.  She tells me she wants a free night or a discount and a late check-out because something didn't work.  I inform her that if she isn't out within 15 minutes, the police would escort her out.

11: No sign of Jabba
11:10: Call Jabba.  Threaten police.
11:15: Jabba appears, making threats and being rude.  Manager takes over.  Tells her to get out and stay out, that we weren't giving her money and to leave.

"I'm never coming here again!  You guys are rude!"

"Thank you ma'am. We'd really like that."

Scammer of the week

We had Rodney Dangerfield come in.  Or at least his clone.  We'll call him Walter, because he is one. (Jeff Dunham reference, ftw).

We had him pegged for a con pretty early in his stay.  Day 1, he paid and joked at the desk.  From my facebook:

"do they give out rubbers when you get into [Town]?
"uhhh...no? Why?"
"because every time I come in, I get f***ed!"

On why he doesn't like football: "I've seen more action in my kitchen with my wife than I saw in 'Nam. Why the f*** would I go somewhere else to get hit?"

Military service: "man, you Muslims know how to kill a man 6 ways to sunday. But I still love you."

"man, this girl. I came down and told her I was Jewish and she told me to get the hell out." 

 ‎"i told her shalom and she told me three things. Shut up, pay up, and get out."

"man, she reminds me of my wife. That's a bad thing. She called and woke me up at 5:30 in the goddamned morning to tell me it was cold. Jesus." 

"that Sarah Palin, she's a piece of work. I wish someone would mistake her for a moose."

(I should probably mention about now that the Jew jokes were funny because I'm racially Jewish.  Moving on.)

Day 2: He started telling us that he would talk to the owner of his company and get us a contract.  We made a deal to give him reduced rate for the day, since he didn't have a lot of cash.

I had the weekend off.  I don't think he came in for a few days.

Day 3: I came in, he had been comped for a night.  The owner of his company was supposed to come in.  He stayed and joked, then stepped out for a sandwich.  We haven't seen him since.

Intro

Welcome to my hell.

8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year on and off for 3 years.

It doesn't really ever end.  People come, people go.  We get great guests and we get the flipping psychos all of you will read about.  Businessmen, travelers, families.  Hookers, pimps, dealers.  Single, married, cheating.  We get everyone.

Come on in.